Everything for free...

“I don’t know who you are…”

There are moments in your life when you just want to die.

.
“But you seem very nice…”

The pain is so immense that you don’t even want it to go away anymore.

.
“So will you talk to me?”

Because you know that there’s no way for it to ever disappear.

.

“Shall I tell you a story?”
No way to ever forget it.
.

“Should I tell you a dream?”

And the worst part is that…

.

“They think I’m crazy…”
… you are all alone when this happens.
.

“But they don’t know that I like it here…”
Truth be told, we all end up alone in moments like these.
.

“It’s nice in here…”

And we eventually accept it.

.

“I get everything for free…”
Most of the times, we accept it for someone else, though.
.

“Have you been here before?”

We make a sacrifice.

..

“Shall I show you around?”
Because, come to think of it…
.

“It’s very pretty…”

… it’s way easier to bear your own pain…

.

“Have you come here to stay?”
… than to see the one you love dealing with it all.
.

“Well, you sure picked a day…”

Way easier to walk away…

.

“My name is Billy…”
… than to stay and let the other one suffer.
.

“It's my birthday, you're invited to my party down the hall…”

Not easy.

.

“Where I go, what I'll become or who I am or what I'll be…”
Just easier…
.

“I’ll never know…”

Selfless, if you will…

.

“But I am sure that I’ll get everything for free…”

I ain't there just yet.

I don't know who I am
And I ain't there just yet
There's this light leading me
But my legs... - they won't follow.


I don't know who you are
And you're still far away
Your strength gives me hope
But I ain't there just yet.

Goodbye.

Tears falling from the sky

All those leaves sayin' "Goodbye!"

In a world of loneliness

Where's the dream of happiness?

Snowflakes cutting thick cold air

No one else is left to dare

Killing love was the last act

Now we all have to accept the fact

That remembering love songs

Is the last thing that belongs

In here, down here

In a nightmare of fear.

Tears pouring down the street

Made an ocean our last meet

But the pain from your dark eyes

That - I couldn't think it lies

It would talk about forever

About things you can remember

About you and me together

About lives becoming better

About lies that will end never

That was our last meeting ever.

Tears shaping your cold body

Couldn't it have been somebody

Else laying here in my arms

Keep you far from any harms

My tears wouldn't wash the blood

My regrets wouldn't cover the mud

Of death, a trip without an ending

But we all have to accept the bidding

A bet we lose and have to pay

Without asking why it has to be that way

We pay and close our eyes forever

Just hoping this and that will never

Turn out to be wrong ways to "better"

'Cause "Goodbye!" will be our ever.

Q.1

"It happened exactly one hundred days after I married Andy, almost to the minute of our half-past-three-o'clock ceremony. I know this fact not so much because I was an overeager newlywed keen on observing trivial relationship landmarks, but because I have a mild case of OCD that compels me to keep track of things. Typically, I count insignificant things, like the steps from my apartment to the nearest subway (341 in comfortable shoes, a dozen more in heels)." (Ellen, Love The One You're With)

... and books on the table.

I miss that girl who used to write from dusk till dawn, and tame the thoughts she had.

I miss the ruffled hair and the sleepless nights.

I miss my voice, and I miss my stories.

And most of all, I miss my smile.

And us.

There was a time when nothing could go wrong.

There were nights when writing felt a part of me.

There were tears I cried and smiles I smiled, and they all made sense in my stories.

And I could write.

In another life, I was a queen.

And then I was a beggar.

And a fox.

And a rabbit.

My hair was long and my eyes were black.

And then I went to sleep.

And never woke up.

Time grew me branches and roots once.

And then a horse found me. He used to come visit me every day.

But when summer came, the sun set me on fire.

And then I had to learn how to fly.

I don't know where I've been all this time.

Or what I've done.

Or who I've met or loved or spoke to.

I never hated anyone; hatred is too much of a ... dirty and mean feeling for me to actually accept it.

I once met a girl and she told me a story about whales.

So I travelled around the world and searched for some.

And one day a man told me that whales don't like people anymore.

It was a sad and shocking thing to say, so I searched even harder.

And then I found a lonely whale and I made friends with her.

Mom always told me I was strange.

Of course I never listened to her.

But now, after so many lives, after so many thoughts I thought of, after loving, and dancing, and smiling, and crying, and drawing, and singing, and writing, and us, I think that she might have been right all along.

---

Today I learnt that every question has an answer, if you know who to ask and where to search.

---

Listening to: Vita de Vie - Praf de Stele

Reading: Getting Rid Of Matthew

Watching: America's Next Top Model Cycle 12, Episode 10

Playing: Chuzzle

---

Am o poveste citita, o soapta zidita

Si praf de stele pe hainele mele

Si-as vrea sa culeg stropi de vant

Sa-i arunc pe pamant, sa devina cuvant.

(Vita de Vie - Praf de Stele)

*Click to download song.

Traveling Light

I'm pulling my suitcase down
Packing the things I need
Just a change of clothes
And a porcelain rose
You once gave to me
Leaving the guilt behind
I'm not gonna take the blame
Got too far to go to be carrying stones
When I roll away

I'm traveling light
No baggage this time
And no bitter memories
Weighing on my mind
I'm facing the wind
And I'm ready to fly
Anywhere my heart takes me tonight
I'm traveling light

It might be another town
It might take a year or two
But I'll find what I lost
And I'll have what I thought I had with you
It could be an uphill fight
Or maybe a winding road
All I really know is for me
There's only one way to go

I'm traveling light
No baggage this time
And no bitter memories
Weighing on my mind
I'm facing the wind
And I'm ready to fly
Anywhere my heart takes me tonight
I'm traveling light

I'm facing the wind
And I'm ready to fly
Anywhere my heart takes me tonight
I'm traveling light
---
Today I learnt that turtles always win to rabbits.
---
Listening to: Coldcut - Autumn Leaves
Reading: Getting Rid Of Matthew (OK, OK, I am a terribly slow reader...)
Watching: America's Next Top Model Cycle 12, Episode 9
Playing: MyBrute
---
Since you went away,
The days grow long,
And soon I'll hear cold winter songs.
But I miss you most of all, my darling,
When autumn leaves start to fall.
(Coldcut - Autumn Leaves)
*Click to download song.

Uncomplicated.

'Your T-shirt lost its smell of you

And the bathroom's still a mess.

Remind me why we decided this was for the best.'

---

'No hard feelings but there's nothing left

No point in crying

And dying and

Running around.'

---

Rory: Dean.

Dean: What?

Rory: Wait!

Dean: Why?

Rory: Because I love you, you idiot.

---

Today I learnt that not even a good joke can always save you.

---

Listening to: Meredith Brooks - Bitch

Reading: Getting Rid Of Matthew

Watching: Better Off Ted Season 1, Episode 5

Playing: MyBrute

---

I hate the world today

You're so good to me, I know

But I can't change

Tried to tell you but you looked at me like maybe

I'm an angel underneath

Innocent and sweet

(Meredith Brooks - Bitch)

*Click to download song.

title lost somewhere in a dark corner.

it's not much, but it's my life.

grab my hand

and take me far away

make the bad

disappear

and the darkness,

make it glow.

i know i can be complicated

i know i sometimes lose it

i know i make a fuss

out of anything.

but in the end

it doesn't really matter,

does it?

'cause it's not much, but it's my life.

so tread carefully...

old habits die hard. or never at all.

---

Today I learnt silence. *drowns in silence*

---

Listening to: Imaginary - Evanescence

Reading: Getting Rid Of Matthew

Watching: America's Next Top Model Cycle 10, Episode 11

Playing: Jenny's Fish Shop

---

In my field of paper flowers

And candied clouds of multiply

I lay inside myself for hours

And watch my purple sky fly over me.

(Evanescence - Imaginary)

*Click to download song.

I...

"... and i keep biting my lips, trying hard not to say it ... and it's so hard... so hard that it tears me apart."

I wish ... the world would just stop.

---
Today I learnt about letting go.
---
Listening to: Gym Class Heroes - Good Vibrations
Reading: Love The One You're With
Watching: Lost Season 1, Episode 2
Playing: Cooking Academy 2
---
I, I love the colorful clothes she wears
And the way the sunlight plays upon her hair(she's so sexy)
I hear the sound of a gentle word
On the wind that lifts her perfume through the air
(Gym Class Heroes - Good Vibrations)
*Click to download song.