Self.

I miss myself.
I miss the old me, the one that didn't know about break-ups and deadlines and choices.
I miss the girl who didn't know that you can skip school, the girl that had no idea that if you wait long enough, you won't need to do certain things anymore.
I miss the responsible girl I used to be. Well, OK, I was never THAT responsable, but... you know what I mean.
I miss the girl that never in a million years would have thought of breaking up with someone at the first small fight.
I miss the girl that said 'Life is always a fairytale for those who fight hard enough.'.
I miss the girl who didn't know we have choices.

And everything I just wrote sounds stupid and will be missunderstood by absolutely everyone. I don't think choices are bad.
All I am saying is that some things were a lot easier when I was younger. And more oblivious.


P.S. And I miss...

Everything for free...

“I don’t know who you are…”

There are moments in your life when you just want to die.

.
“But you seem very nice…”

The pain is so immense that you don’t even want it to go away anymore.

.
“So will you talk to me?”

Because you know that there’s no way for it to ever disappear.

.

“Shall I tell you a story?”
No way to ever forget it.
.

“Should I tell you a dream?”

And the worst part is that…

.

“They think I’m crazy…”
… you are all alone when this happens.
.

“But they don’t know that I like it here…”
Truth be told, we all end up alone in moments like these.
.

“It’s nice in here…”

And we eventually accept it.

.

“I get everything for free…”
Most of the times, we accept it for someone else, though.
.

“Have you been here before?”

We make a sacrifice.

..

“Shall I show you around?”
Because, come to think of it…
.

“It’s very pretty…”

… it’s way easier to bear your own pain…

.

“Have you come here to stay?”
… than to see the one you love dealing with it all.
.

“Well, you sure picked a day…”

Way easier to walk away…

.

“My name is Billy…”
… than to stay and let the other one suffer.
.

“It's my birthday, you're invited to my party down the hall…”

Not easy.

.

“Where I go, what I'll become or who I am or what I'll be…”
Just easier…
.

“I’ll never know…”

Selfless, if you will…

.

“But I am sure that I’ll get everything for free…”

I ain't there just yet.

I don't know who I am
And I ain't there just yet
There's this light leading me
But my legs... - they won't follow.

I don't know who you are
And you're still far away
Your strength gives me hope
But I ain't there just yet.

Goodbye.

Tears falling from the sky

All those leaves sayin' "Goodbye!"

In a world of loneliness

Where's the dream of happiness?

Snowflakes cutting thick cold air

No one else is left to dare

Killing love was the last act

Now we all have to accept the fact

That remembering love songs

Is the last thing that belongs

In here, down here

In a nightmare of fear.

Tears pouring down the street

Made an ocean our last meet

But the pain from your dark eyes

That - I couldn't think it lies

It would talk about forever

About things you can remember

About you and me together

About lives becoming better

About lies that will end never

That was our last meeting ever.

Tears shaping your cold body

Couldn't it have been somebody

Else laying here in my arms

Keep you far from any harms

My tears wouldn't wash the blood

My regrets wouldn't cover the mud

Of death, a trip without an ending

But we all have to accept the bidding

A bet we lose and have to pay

Without asking why it has to be that way

We pay and close our eyes forever

Just hoping this and that will never

Turn out to be wrong ways to "better"

'Cause "Goodbye!" will be our ever.

Q.1

"It happened exactly one hundred days after I married Andy, almost to the minute of our half-past-three-o'clock ceremony. I know this fact not so much because I was an overeager newlywed keen on observing trivial relationship landmarks, but because I have a mild case of OCD that compels me to keep track of things. Typically, I count insignificant things, like the steps from my apartment to the nearest subway (341 in comfortable shoes, a dozen more in heels)." (Ellen, Love The One You're With)

... and books on the table.

I miss that girl who used to write from dusk till dawn, and tame the thoughts she had.

I miss the ruffled hair and the sleepless nights.

I miss my voice, and I miss my stories.

And most of all, I miss my smile.

And us.

There was a time when nothing could go wrong.

There were nights when writing felt a part of me.

There were tears I cried and smiles I smiled, and they all made sense in my stories.

And I could write.

In another life, I was a queen.

And then I was a beggar.

And a fox.

And a rabbit.

My hair was long and my eyes were black.

And then I went to sleep.

And never woke up.

Time grew me branches and roots once.

And then a horse found me. He used to come visit me every day.

But when summer came, the sun set me on fire.

And then I had to learn how to fly.

I don't know where I've been all this time.

Or what I've done.

Or who I've met or loved or spoke to.

I never hated anyone; hatred is too much of a ... dirty and mean feeling for me to actually accept it.

I once met a girl and she told me a story about whales.

So I travelled around the world and searched for some.

And one day a man told me that whales don't like people anymore.

It was a sad and shocking thing to say, so I searched even harder.

And then I found a lonely whale and I made friends with her.

Mom always told me I was strange.

Of course I never listened to her.

But now, after so many lives, after so many thoughts I thought of, after loving, and dancing, and smiling, and crying, and drawing, and singing, and writing, and us, I think that she might have been right all along.

---

Today I learnt that every question has an answer, if you know who to ask and where to search.

---

Listening to: Vita de Vie - Praf de Stele

Reading: Getting Rid Of Matthew

Watching: America's Next Top Model Cycle 12, Episode 10

Playing: Chuzzle

---

Am o poveste citita, o soapta zidita

Si praf de stele pe hainele mele

Si-as vrea sa culeg stropi de vant

Sa-i arunc pe pamant, sa devina cuvant.

(Vita de Vie - Praf de Stele)

*Click to download song.

Traveling Light

I'm pulling my suitcase down
Packing the things I need
Just a change of clothes
And a porcelain rose
You once gave to me
Leaving the guilt behind
I'm not gonna take the blame
Got too far to go to be carrying stones
When I roll away

I'm traveling light
No baggage this time
And no bitter memories
Weighing on my mind
I'm facing the wind
And I'm ready to fly
Anywhere my heart takes me tonight
I'm traveling light

It might be another town
It might take a year or two
But I'll find what I lost
And I'll have what I thought I had with you
It could be an uphill fight
Or maybe a winding road
All I really know is for me
There's only one way to go

I'm traveling light
No baggage this time
And no bitter memories
Weighing on my mind
I'm facing the wind
And I'm ready to fly
Anywhere my heart takes me tonight
I'm traveling light

I'm facing the wind
And I'm ready to fly
Anywhere my heart takes me tonight
I'm traveling light
---
Today I learnt that turtles always win to rabbits.
---
Listening to: Coldcut - Autumn Leaves
Reading: Getting Rid Of Matthew (OK, OK, I am a terribly slow reader...)
Watching: America's Next Top Model Cycle 12, Episode 9
Playing: MyBrute
---
Since you went away,
The days grow long,
And soon I'll hear cold winter songs.
But I miss you most of all, my darling,
When autumn leaves start to fall.
(Coldcut - Autumn Leaves)
*Click to download song.

Uncomplicated.

'Your T-shirt lost its smell of you

And the bathroom's still a mess.

Remind me why we decided this was for the best.'

---

'No hard feelings but there's nothing left

No point in crying

And dying and

Running around.'

---

Rory: Dean.

Dean: What?

Rory: Wait!

Dean: Why?

Rory: Because I love you, you idiot.

---

Today I learnt that not even a good joke can always save you.

---

Listening to: Meredith Brooks - Bitch

Reading: Getting Rid Of Matthew

Watching: Better Off Ted Season 1, Episode 5

Playing: MyBrute

---

I hate the world today

Your so good to me, I know

But I cant change

Tried to tell you but you looked at me like maybe

I'm an angel underneath

Innocent and sweet

(Meredith Brooks - Bitch)

*Click to download song.

Random Quizzes. Or not.

Yes, I just erased all the quizzes from this post, because it was incredibly annoying to wait for the page to load and my music player wouldn't load anymore and so on.

So yeah, I just quit.

BUT. I created a new blog and I will post there all the quizzes I ever take.

So the address is: http://always-dreamer-quizzes.blogspot.com/

Enjoy. *laughs*

---
Today I learnt that time flies easily when you only do stupid things. And when you're in love.
---
Listening to: Tegan and Sara - Don't Confess
Reading: Economics Exam Questions
Watching: Better Off Ted Season 1, Episode 4
Playing: MyBrute
---
Every second I spend waiting,
Drags me closer to this grave.
I’m not alone.
No, I’m just on my own.
And I...
It's a little cold outside.
Ooh, Ooh.
(Tegan and Sara - Don't Confess)
*Click to download song.

About Being Sure.

'You can never be sure. Sure is for people who don't love enough.' - Imagine Me and You

Of course we have our doubts every now and then.

Of course we have our 'I can't stand the other person anymore' times. But in the end, they all pass. And that only proves us (to me it does, at least) that those doubts actually mean nothing.

Of course we are all looking for that perfect person. But perfection is nothing like we define it, really. And you know why? Because from all those books I read so far and all the movies, I learnt that perfection is not exactly what we want in the end. We tend to define perfection as a peaceful, warm feeling. But come on, peacefulness and warmth tend to wear you out after a while.

Sure there are things that will always annoy us about the other person, but we surely have our annoying habits as well. But *I* know that no matter what, no matter how hard, being with that one person that was made for us makes us better people at the end of the day. Be it only because we have to fight for every single nothing, and we still become better people.

Because we remain alive and fighting.

Sure it gets tiring at times, but nothing in this world that's worth having comes easy.

People might not change, but love CAN and DOES change everything and anything.

---

Today I learnt that you shouldn't stop following your dreams just because you can never be sure.

---

Listening to: Me - Sound Clip 30

Reading: Getting Rid of Matthew

Watching: Pokemon Episode 30

Playing: MyBrute

---

*pam pam pam

pam pam pam

pam pam pam

pam pam pam*

(Me - Sound Clip 30)

*Click to dowload song.