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Showing posts with label satisfaction. Show all posts
Showing posts with label satisfaction. Show all posts

History


 We write history every day. Our own, personal, tiny kind of history.
It's small, but it's still history. A small line on an enormous white piece of paper. A tiny colorful line that happens to intersect other tiny lines on its path. A microscopical line that gets lost in the infinity.
It's funny, really. 'History' is such a big word. It encompasses such a vast volume of grandness and greatness and eternity. And we, as human beings, represent these tiny dots that you can't even tell apart from a fair distance. Yet we, insignificant creatures, write history every second. We, trivial animated things, are capable of excellence. Through our thoughts, words and actions.
And I have to admit, such an idea is kind of hard to ingest. On the other hand, it also creates a rather haunting sensation of randomness. Maybe even chaos.
It is random indeed - all of it. When we're born, who our parents are and what they've done with their lives up to that point, who their parents were and how each and every one of these people has been raised. How we're being raised. How other incidents happen to occur around us. How these incidents affect us. Our each and every choice. Every single word we utter. Every smile we smile and tear we cry. Every road we take, and every story we write without even realizing. And then there are all these people that enter our life by choice or chance. The way they act, talk, think, respond to random factors, actions, words. Their dreams and goals - short term or long term.
Our dreams. Each and every little dream or ideal that we develop.
All these things, and so many others, when turned into reality, create the world as we know it. Right now. This very second. And from this very point, it falls into our hands to write the rest of it. All the history that's left unwritten. Every single letter of it.
So, just how capable do *you* feel to write history?

imi era atat de dor...


... sa zambesc. sa zambesc fara motiv. sa zambesc ca un copil bleg o zi intreaga. iar apoi sa se intample ceva care sa ma intristeze, si totusi sa ajung acasa si sa ma apuce iar zambitul prostesc.
mi-era atat de dor de mine. mi-era atat de dor de increderea pe care o aveam in lumea asta si in visele mele. mi-era dor sa cred ca pot. mi-era dor sa cred ca viata asta este molipsitor si sufocant de frumoasa. mi-era dor de zambetul meu tamp.

mi-era dor sa cred ca lucrurile se vor schimba in bine daca am suficienta rabdare. si eram atat de aproape de a renunta complet la speranta asta infantila.

si mi-era nespus de dor sa pot sa fiu copil din nou. sa pot sa pun capul pe perna si sa zambesc si sa nu imi pese daca ceilalti ma judeca, pentru ca eu sunt eu, si pentru mine eu sunt poate cea mai importanta persoana. aproape. dar hai sa nu intram in existentialisme acum. dragostea o servesc pe post de desert la micul dejun maine dimineata, cand o voi savura cu zambetul pe buze.

mi-era dor sa cred. sa cred in ceva cu toata fiinta mea. indiferent cat de mic si neinsemnat ar putea fi acel lucru. iar acum acel lucru este chiar viitorul meu. si stiu ca peste ceva timp voi fi iar deprimata si ingropata in probleme total inutile in care ma arunc singura. dar acum sunt fericita. si scriu cuvintele astea din inima.

sunt fericita. iubesc. imi iubesc zambetul, pentru ca mi-a fost atat de dor de el incat credeam ca l-am pierdut definitiv. imi iubesc fericirea si increderea si vointa si cel mai mult imi iubesc pofta de viata pe care abia ce mi-am recapatat-o. pentru ca toate cuvintele astea sunt despre mine. azi sunt egoista, pentru ca mi-a fost atat de dor sa fiu fericita incat nu ma mai satur.

azi mi-am ales viitorul. si are un gust atat de dulce. si un pic acrisor.

---

and for all those who thought i'd run out of love by now, here i go again.

Traveling Light

I'm pulling my suitcase down
Packing the things I need
Just a change of clothes
And a porcelain rose
You once gave to me
Leaving the guilt behind
I'm not gonna take the blame
Got too far to go to be carrying stones
When I roll away

I'm traveling light
No baggage this time
And no bitter memories
Weighing on my mind
I'm facing the wind
And I'm ready to fly
Anywhere my heart takes me tonight
I'm traveling light

It might be another town
It might take a year or two
But I'll find what I lost
And I'll have what I thought I had with you
It could be an uphill fight
Or maybe a winding road
All I really know is for me
There's only one way to go

I'm traveling light
No baggage this time
And no bitter memories
Weighing on my mind
I'm facing the wind
And I'm ready to fly
Anywhere my heart takes me tonight
I'm traveling light

I'm facing the wind
And I'm ready to fly
Anywhere my heart takes me tonight
I'm traveling light
---
Today I learnt that turtles always win to rabbits.
---
Listening to: Coldcut - Autumn Leaves
Reading: Getting Rid Of Matthew (OK, OK, I am a terribly slow reader...)
Watching: America's Next Top Model Cycle 12, Episode 9
Playing: MyBrute
---
Since you went away,
The days grow long,
And soon I'll hear cold winter songs.
But I miss you most of all, my darling,
When autumn leaves start to fall.
(Coldcut - Autumn Leaves)
*Click to download song.

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